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In my previous post in this series I shared a story about a powerful experience I had of the Father's love. I had heard my Father's voice speaking words of love and affirmation over me, and I felt greatly loved and affirmed afterwards. But only for a few days, and then I was my old insecure self again. Why? Why were the spiritual highs I experienced by encountering the living God always followed by desolate lows? Why couldn't I cement in my heart once and for all that my Father loved me? He gave the life of His only Son in exchange for me—isn't that enough? But that happened almost two thousand years ago. What about His love for me today ? In fact God has given me many proofs of His love for me. Six years after I met God, I was walking down a street somewhere. I was full of passion for following Jesus, but I was also a young man approaching thirty who was lonely and had no career in sight. I remember praying this prayer based on Ephesians 3:18: Father, I know by now I should filled to the height and depth and breadth and length with your love, but to be honest, all I really want at this point in my life is a wife, a car and a career. Very spiritual, wasn't I? And yet around a year later I was married, had a job as a high-school teacher, and had been given a free car. God loves when we are honest and He doesn't tolerate bullshit (a.k.a. hypocrisy, but I like the contemporary word better). And when that happened, I started to "get it" that God really did love me—in the here and now, and not just theologically. But despite such spiritual experience and answers to prayer, I struggled with insecurity and self-doubt for many years, until one day when Ingrid and I were on vacation in London, England. We had run out of cash (British pounds) and had used up our traveller's cheques. My debit card wouldn't work in the UK because of some issue. All we had were our credit cards, but we needed cash since not every establishment accepted credit cards. So I started to enter panic mode. We went to a bank nearby, but they said they couldn't help us. Then we found another bank who, with the help of our passports and phone calls, was willing to advance us some cash on our credit cards. "I am never going to let this happen to us again," I shouted as we left the bank. I was in full-on panic mode by this time, and was determined to wear several money belts full of cash if we ever travelled outside of Canada again. And then I remembered something the Lord had spoken to me after we had finished the church-planting internship program at a Vineyard church on the West Coast. I had felt like a failure afterwards, and was reading through Isaiah when part of this verse spoke to me: Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you... (Isa 43:4 NIV) When I read this I thought: that's the first time that God has said "I love you" to me. I felt encouraged and filed these words away in my journal, but they didn't make much difference in how I felt at the time. But in London when those words suddenly came back to me, I understood why God had reminded me of them. Because if I am precious to Him, I need not have any fear about anything. And if I'm honored in his sight, then I cannot consider myself a failure in anything. Precious—no fear. Honored—no failure. And, of course, loved. So I used this verse to wrestle down the fear and panic that had been overwhelming me, and we continued with our vacation and enjoyed our remaining time in the UK. And what had I learned? That I must exercise faith when God speaks to me or reveals Himself to me. I must believe what He says to me, and continue to believe even in the face of circumstances. The following story in Mathew 14:22-31 is important in this regard: Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" While the heading for this passage in most Bibles is "Jesus walks on water" or something similar, a much better heading would be "Peter tries to walk on water." Because the lesson is really about learn how we, as followers of Jesus like Peter was, must learn how to exercise—and to continue to exercise—faith in every circumstance. It's the difference between walking on water or sinking into the depths of self-doubt and despair. I've had many powerful experiences of God over the years: I've heard His voice, seen Him on His throne, and had other foretastes of the powers of the age to come (Hebrews 6:5). But until I began exerting myself to believe whatever He says to me, especially concerning His love for me in Christ, the impact of all these experiences didn't last. And this—resolving to believe Him—is what has finally enabled me to cement in my heart my Father's affirming words towards me, and to erase the roots of insecurity and self-doubt from my heart. Not that I'm already perfect—but I'm getting there. May you get there too, and soon! —Mitch

A few weeks ago a woman who had a swollen ankle for over a week asked me to pray for her. Not feeling very anointed, I swallowed and said "OK" and laid both my hands on her ankle. I asked the Holy Spirit to come and release His healing power. And then I waited. After about two minutes I looked up at her face to see whether there were any visible signs of the Holy Spirit touching her. These visible signs or "manifestations" are well-documented in Vineyard literature (for example see page 212 in John Wimber's book Power Healing) and can range from violent shaking or falling over to slight trembling, eyelids fluttering, breathing slowing down, a feeling of warmth, and so on. Often when I pray for someone's healing, one or more of these manifestations occur in the subject indicating that the Holy Spirit is present and the person's healing has begun. But not this time. So I looked down at her swollen ankle and continued praying. I prayed silently and earnestly, using a formulaic prayer that I had once learned from John Wimber: "Oh God, oh God, oh God..." After a few minutes I asked the woman if she felt anything happening. "No," she replied, and when we examined her ankle together it still looked the same. I asked if I could continue to pray, and she said Yes. So once again I laid my hands around her ankle and prayed, silently repeating another formulaic prayer that John Wimber taught people in the early days of the Vineyard: "Help! Help!! Help!!!" And once again, I waited. Then after a few more minutes I noticed something happening. But it wasn't happening to the woman—it was happening to me! A feeling of peace had come upon me. My breathing had also slowed down and my posture had changed, making me lean more forward. I thought, Hey, just a minute! This kind of stuff is supposed to happen to the person being prayed for, not the person doing the praying! But I accepted what was happening and welcomed the presence of the Holy Spirit—and then I felt faith rising in me that God was going to heal. A few more minutes passed, and then we looked at her ankle again. There was still no change, so I just said I'd be happy to pray for her again the next day. She agreed to this, and we ended our ministry session together. But about two hours later the woman told me the swelling in her ankle had diminished. "That's great!" I said, and thanked God that I hadn't completely blown it ministering to her. And the next day she reported that her ankle was back to normal, and when I asked her about a week later, it was still normal. So God healed her. Lessons learned What lessons can we learn from this story? First, learn how to recognize signs when the Holy Spirit releases healing gifts. And second, follow up with people when you pray for their healing. In this case when I talked with her later, she said she thought the condition might have been caused because she ate too much sugar (too many desserts). I'm not a physician or nutritionist, but I know from personal experience how over-consumption of sugar can have a negative impact on your health, so I simply agreed and suggested she learn to say No to desserts :-) Hope this helps. Peace, everyone. —Mitch

I shared previously how as a young man I had ended up on the floor after being ministered to at a Vineyard conference. That occasion however left me feeling desolate as I ended up crying out "Father, I want to feel your love!" over and over again. Instead of being filled by the Spirit from this experience, I felt nothing but emptiness afterwards. But shortly after this I had a different "floor time" experience. Back then there was no Vineyard church in our city, so Ingrid and I were attending what we thought at the time was the next best thing: a growing Charismatic church located in the downtown area. It wasn't until long after we had left the church that we learned it had previously belonged to the Shepherding Movement. During one of the Sunday services, the pastor gave out what he felt was a "word from the Lord" that some of those present had told God they had "drawn lines in the sand" and would "not cross them again." He said however that this was wrong and that those who had drawn such lines should come forward and repent. Frustrated and discouraged from having tried to engage in various ministry activities only to be criticized and rebuffed by leadership, I felt that the pastor's "word" must apply to me. So I went forward and got down on my knees to repent. I began to pray, telling God how sorry I was that I had drawn those lines in the sand. Then I felt someone's hand on my back, and as the hand started trembling I began to weep. "I'm sorry, Father," I said, repeating this again and again as my eyes began to fill with tears. Then suddenly the Lord spoke to me: You've never drawn any lines. "Whaah" I cried, "whaah, whaaah" as tears rolled down my face. This went on a while and then God spoke to me again: You've always obeyed me. "Whaaaah! Whaaaaahhh!" I cried loudly as the hand on my back shook strongly. Then He spoke to me one more time: You're a man after my own heart. "WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Lying on the floor by this time, I proceeded to sob my heart out, totally oblivious to everything and everyone around me. Then after some time had elapsed and my tears had dried up, I opened my eyes and turned around to find out who had been praying for me. "What happened, Mitch?" It was my brother-in-law who had laid his hand on me. "Mitch?" he repeated, "What was happening there with you?" We both stood up. I looked at him and wanted to say, "My name isn't Mitch, it's CHRISTIAN!!" But I just smiled instead and thanked him and said I couldn't share right now, maybe later. Because I didn't want to lose the wonderful feeling I was experiencing at that moment: the feeling of being loved and affirmed by my heavenly Father. The experience was so precious to me that I thought if I should share it I might lose the potency and power of it. This feeling only lasted several days however and then it dissipated. And by the end of the week I was struggling with insecurity and depression again over not being able to find my place in the church and not being recognized by the leadership for the gifts I felt God had given me. Like my daydream in the house church that I previously used to attend, this new experience of God's love was powerful, but once again it didn't last. Why not? Probably for several reasons which at the time I just couldn't fathom. But the question always remained: How could I cement in my heart the fact that my Father really loves me? Was there something I needed to do? Or was I doomed to endure a series of spiritual highs followed by desolate lows? More to come soon. --Mitch

My previous post on this topic set forth four principles that provide a foundation to encourage and equip ourselves and others for doing personal evangelism. I ended that post by suggesting that each time we step out into the world, we should bring these principles to mind by praying something like this: Lord, I believe you want to save him/her/them and that you've sent me and empowered me. Help me share your good news! Over the next couple of weeks I've tried repeating this prayer to myself as Ingrid and I have gone shopping for groceries or new clothes or just for coffee somewhere. And the results have been encouraging. For example, the first time I tried this was when we were about to enter an Italian grocery store we often frequent. As I walked around the store I saw a man who worked there whom we had previously talked with. I grabbed the opportunity to point him to my testimony which I've put online and he responded positively. I haven't seen him since, but plan on following up when I do meet him again. Then after we paid for our groceries, we sat down for a coffee and one of the checkout girls we hadn't seen for several months came over and started talking with us. She began telling us about an injury that had kept her away from work, and how she needed to find a new fulltime job which was difficult to find in these current economic conditions. Soon we were praying for her and telling her about Jesus. Another time when we were shopping for groceries, Ingrid saw a young woman standing in front of the meat counter. "What a beautiful coat," said Ingrid, "the color suits you perfectly and it looks well made with good material." As they talked together, the young woman said she was buying a steak for her boyfriend whom she was soon going to marry. At that point Ingrid said, "Jesus is in our marriage, and if Jesus is in your marriage you will be able to forgive one another and make decisions together and your marriage will succeed." I recall how many years ago our friend Mac Jardine told us that the key to doing evangelism is to "have the courage to say the J-word." Ingrid has this courage, and she often brings up Jesus in her conversations with strangers. We've also had problems recently with our kitchen sink and bathroom shower leaking, so last week we called a plumber. As he worked I started talking with him, and soon he was sharing his regret over the failure of his marriage. As he talked I kept thinking to myself: How can I say something meaningful to this man before he leaves? I prayed the above prayer again and again, asking the Lord for his help. Finally the man gave me the bad news that we needed to replace our shower and it would cost us quite a lot. And then suddenly I knew the words I should say: "We'll have to talk with God before we decide whether to approve your estimate as we always ask Him when we're faced with making financial decisions." The man replied "I respect that" and prepared to leave as he had other customers to attend to, so we couldn't continue our conversation. But perhaps there's an opening now for me to pray for him when he comes to install the new shower in our bathroom. So no great revival has broken out since I started praying my above prayer, but so what? The kingdom of God often advances gradually in a manner we can scarcely notice or perceive (see Mark 4:26-29 ). The point is to keep on doing it and not give up. And I hope these stories encourage you to do the same. Cheers, --Mitch